Narrative A Papers

Don't Take it for Granted
1.The use of dialogue makes the scene come to life and creates a easy flowing and easy to understand paper.
2.The describing of their friend's life and what she had been through was a great personal touch that made feel sadness for the friend.
Mistaken Procrastinator 
1.The final conversation with her teacher helped to make me the reader, understand the point of her paper without having her just tell me.
2.Their point was clear but more importantly, very concise, because it was a short but a effective way of making her point without rambling on unnecessary details.
Dreaming
1.The use of detail was a incredible way of setting up the scene, because it made me feel as though I was there and could see what they were seeing.
2. The conclusion was very powerful in which it tied together the paper and stated a much broader statement that was one to think about.
Relationships
1.The entire paper was a great play on my emotion because they set up the paper in which you felt the love she had and the pain she felt when it was ripped away.




My changes
1.I need to slow down my key scenes so the reader can process them and understand the message.
2.I need to add the reactions of the other mentioned people such as my dad.
3.I need another scene to show what it was like to go to school with the pressure i had in order to allow the readers to connect.
4.I need to cut the reflections parts that ramble and focus more on the pathos.
5. I need to add more detail where it is lacking while also keeping it concise