Narrative A Papers

Don't Take it for Granted
1.The use of dialogue makes the scene come to life and creates a easy flowing and easy to understand paper.
2.The describing of their friend's life and what she had been through was a great personal touch that made feel sadness for the friend.
Mistaken Procrastinator 
1.The final conversation with her teacher helped to make me the reader, understand the point of her paper without having her just tell me.
2.Their point was clear but more importantly, very concise, because it was a short but a effective way of making her point without rambling on unnecessary details.
Dreaming
1.The use of detail was a incredible way of setting up the scene, because it made me feel as though I was there and could see what they were seeing.
2. The conclusion was very powerful in which it tied together the paper and stated a much broader statement that was one to think about.
Relationships
1.The entire paper was a great play on my emotion because they set up the paper in which you felt the love she had and the pain she felt when it was ripped away.




My changes
1.I need to slow down my key scenes so the reader can process them and understand the message.
2.I need to add the reactions of the other mentioned people such as my dad.
3.I need another scene to show what it was like to go to school with the pressure i had in order to allow the readers to connect.
4.I need to cut the reflections parts that ramble and focus more on the pathos.
5. I need to add more detail where it is lacking while also keeping it concise

Annotated Bibliography

Lohr, Steve. (2009, June 9). Smartphone rises fast from gadget to necessity. New York Times, Retrieved from http://www.nytimes.com/2009/06/10/technology/10phone.html

This article is perfect for my argument because it states how much the sales have increased for phones despite the downfall economy. It has a perfect quote about how the cell phone has become an apenndage for a man, perfect for my argument that we are too dependent on smart phones. Also, the part about how it is a social norm to answer emails in an hour or less or your are considered ignoring the person which is just ridiculous and proves that people worship these phones too much.

Eric, Zeman. (2011). Smartphones tied to 25% of u.s. car crashes. InformationWeek, Retrieved from http://www.informationweek.com/news/mobility/smart_phones/231001237

This article is essential for my safety argument. It has statistics that show that smartphones are the cause of 15-25% of all car accidents. This proves my point that phones are a hazardous distraction and cause unesecarry risks.

Bilton, Nick. (2011, July 11). Smartphones and mobile internet use grow, report says. New York Times , Retrieved from http://bits.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/07/11/smartphones-and-mobile-internet-use-grow-report-says/?scp=6&sq=smartphones&st=Search

This article is perfect for my argument of making social messes out of people because it is full of statistics based on how much people use the smartphones. It states that 87% of smartphone owners check emails at least once a day and 25% use it more than  computer. Seemingly harmless, yes, but the fact that people are checking emails and on it more than a computer, meaning they are connected on the technology level but in relity they are ignoring whats around them.

Proposal

1) I am evaluating __Smart Phones___ as a good/bad ___Bad_____ using criteria X, Y, Z in order to establish that (larger cultural claim)
X:Creates a social problem for users that who eventually cannot conduct an actual conversation and maintain an interpersonal relationship with people.
Y:The reliance of the phone for information creates people who feel they never have to learn it because its the Google mentality.
Z: They create a ridiculously society unsafe, in terms of mugging, people to fall and people to crash

Holiday's/Birthdays...etc

What does it mean to you? Why are you interested in it? What are people saying about it. How have people reacted to it. Where has it been taken up and used or repeated? Where has it made the most impact? How and why?


It means a great deal to me because i am faced with a different holiday every month. I am interested in it because i am so sick of what a media scam it has become. It used to be such holidays like chirstmas were a time to reflect on religion and cherish what we have, as well as valentines day in which we show our significant others how much they mean to us. But now a days the media has convinced us its all about the best and most expensive presents we can give others to sow we care. People love holidays because they love getting the goodies that come with them, overlooking what they are truly buying into. People react to the outrageous prices charged around holidays but none the less the have to keep up with the social norm or else they are the social pariah. It has taken up everyones time and money and is repeated every year. It makes the most impact at Christmas and in peoples wallets because instead of celebrating the holiday, its all about what can be done to make it the most expensive and luxours experience like the Easter bunny leaving dvds and new games like its Santa. It's not the holidays i dont like but rather the fact you have to literally buy into them and it becomes a big advertisement and less a celebration.

"Going Green"

What does it mean to you? Why are you interested in it? What are people saying about it. How have people reacted to it. Where has it been taken up and used or repeated? Where has it made the most impact? How and why?  


"Going green" means a lot to me because i'm soooo tired of hearing about. I am so sick of everyone saying do your part and buy this and use this because every little thing counts! wrong, the only thing that counts is if we reduce and not just use better things. People are saying and endorsing ridiculous things like solar panels that the only people can afford are the rich people who make "green" mansions, thus again ruining the whole point. People have reacted positively about it and take steps like recycling more, or using things with less plastic or simple things like that. It has been taken up all throughout the country as you find recycling everywhere and bottles made with less plastic. It has made the most impact in the way people think about what they are wasting and what they can reuse, because with the damage being shown everywhere like tv and such people are starting to pay attention and take action. The only problem is its the wrong action.

Smart Phones

What does it mean to you? Why are you interested in it? What are people saying about it. How have people reacted to it. Where has it been taken up and used or repeated? Where has it made the most impact? How and why?
My first cultural interest is  iphones or smart phones in general. It means alot to me seeing as how I am surrounded by them literally everywhere i go. They control my friends and even parents attention and cause them to always be preoccupied. People rave about them because they can do everything from the palm of their hand. Everyone has to have one or else they feel they are left behind in the race fro the best technology. I am in interested in it because it angers me when I look over when im with my friends and they are on facebook or searching videos completely ignoring everything around them. It has made the most impact on the society in the sense that everyone is now more connected than ever, but also ignorant to whats going on around them, because they focus more on the technology and less on the life that is right in front of them.

Lady Gaga

What sort of arguments do they make about Lady Gaga? What evidence do they use? Note a few rhetorical tactics that are used that are particularly effective in this kind of cultural commentary.


In the main article written by Camille Paglia, there were many arguments made against Lady Gaga. These arguments included how her supposed idols and influences were in fact nothing like her and what she does is just steal traits from stars such as Madonna in order to make her point. They say that Lady Gaga trys to be this rebelous avant gard artist, but in actuality she is just bankrolled by the big corporations and is just popular because of technology. But these arguments all add up to say what the author truly means, and that is that Lady Gaga represents the death of the sexual revolution. She makes her point by creating a strong ethos through examples of past "sex" idols such as Madonna, Elton John, David Bowie, etc. and then relating it back to her and how plastic and disgusting she looks. As well as even going all the way back to the early 1920's to define what sex is. The author uses statements Lady Gaga has made to make her seem contradictory and has used examples of her past life to show how much her new persona has taken over in order to seduce the technology savvy generation. All of which help create a strong ethos. Her statistics about how much Facebook followers Gaga has and how many views and records she has sold helped create a stronger logos. But the way Camille uses what Gaga describes as her creativity or vagina, throughout the article appeals to the pathos cause its like a gross factor that gets the audience wondering what that's all about.

Reflection Narrative

I found this peer review to be rather effective because with this paper its all about whether or not the message is clear.Tyler gave me some good advice as to how i should be more descriptive and improve my story. He also received the message but thought it would have been better if i ended more on a story rather than a reflection. I changed the stories so that they were more concise as well as being descriptive. I found the in class learning about taking a sentence and making it concise very important because there was huge long stories that didn't need to be that long. I did find this paper the hardest because i am not good at talking about myself and even more so relating it to a larger point about life.

As you sit down to eat dinner (whatever that is) take note of the experience. Later,write for 10 minutes describing it with as much detail as possible. Include details from all the senses: how does it smell, feel, and taste. What does the place around you sound like? Who all is there? Again, give as many details a


At about 615, I arrived at the commons with my friend Matt Mcdyer. Our sights were set on the buffet as long as the line wasn't long, but before we could arrive there we ran into six friends of ours. Meeting the the first weeks of school we had an immediate connection with these new people because four of the six were from upper saint Claire  which is a high school neighboring ours, so naturally we had something in common. As we began to chat i scanned the menu, seeing as how there was turkey bbq sandwiches, corn, and roast beef, I knew there was enough that i would eat and therefore would actually eat there. We had the usual conversation about their undefeated record in basketball thus far, me and Matt not being on the team because we do our own thing but none the less we still enjoy eating in company. Split up by the large group I took my place in line and the smell of all the different meats was overwhelming as the loudness and excessive heat of the building took over allll my senses. Cutting the line I grabbed the last of the Roast beef and then grabbed some corn as well as a Turkey BBQ sandwich. We all then proceeded to a table that would accomadate out entire crew, me and Matt were split up which was kind of lame seeing as how dinner is usual time to catch up on the day but still I was ready to chat with the others. Harris and his girlfriend keep a conversation with me because i have take the mega bus many times and I was able to instruct them on what time to leave to go to the bus and what to do once they arrive home. The kid across me i have never met and apparently he was one of our friends fall roommate. The Pirates had just started and seeing as how we are all from Pittsburgh, we all watched as we ate and chatted. I informed others my adventure on Saturday and after some laughter we talked about concerts. No one else wanted seconds, so i went to grab ice cream alone. After grabbing ice cream myself, me and Matt had called it quits and decided to go off on our own... possible

Narrative Reading Responses

1) Write a bit about how these essays differ from the writing you are used to writing/reading. How do they use a different structure, tone, techniques, etc?

2) Take one of the essays and write a few sentences about the purpose and audience for the essay. What are they and how do you know?

1. One of the biggest differences I noticed right out the gate is that it doesn't really follow the typical format that I'm used to. Like in your essay you just start dialogue and say a few things then jump back to writing. As well as the ending, its not a summary at all, but rather just a statement about yourself and then it's over. Just like in the video game narrative, the tone seems to be rather sad and involves a lot of using what others have said to the writer and then their thoughts on such words. The use of questions and metaphors in the Paths changing essay seemed to drive home their point about their life as being a race.With these narratives it is more like a rant about yourself that reflects on a larger point rather than the typical papers i write that involve just analyzing something or arguing something. In essence you are analyzing yourself in these narrative to drive at a point about life form your view.

2. The gaming essay was defiantly catered to those who chose to escape reality through the use of video games. That means people like teens, and young adults who face the most difficulty as they try and start the rest of their life and instead of facing the challenges that come with that transition, they look for relief in video games. The video gamers that begin to spend hours online and ignore friends and responsibility are the ones are who are in danger of losing everything. Just as Mike had experienced, he lost his girlfriend and job in order to create his own reality in video games. The purpose being there is nothing better in technology like video games that can compare to real life, and those who chose to escape reality to fulfill what desires they have, are squandering the chance at a real happy life.

"Vanity, they Name is Metrosexual"

1) How does the author define Metrosexual? How does the author relate the term to a larger argument?

2) What is at stake in the definition of the term? How does the author make this clear?

3) Note one other means of persuasion that you found particularly effective in the article. What about the audience does this means rely on.

1. The author defines metrosexual as a straight man who enjoys such things as shopping and clothes, and falls into the sterotypical catagory of a gay man expect in sexual orientation.She uses this defintion to relate it to the larger argument of how it as become icresingly diffcult to date because it has become hard to distinguish between gay and straight men.

2.What is at stake in terms of the definition of metrosexual is the sterotypes our society is putting on this new term. She uses examples of the stereotype to make her point clear and she uses other examples to prove how this is true.

3. In order to persuade the reader, she uses extremes, some humor, and some personal experiences that allows therreader to get a better sense of her argument. It relies on the audience to feel a connection with the reader and reognize how wrong it is to follow stereotypes.

New Proposal

I want to do viloation of Copyrights....
downloading of free music,videos, and games is illegal
-------loss of profits
-------loss of incentives
-------greater need for reguation

Topic Proposal

The word I would like to explore and define is Privacy

Peer-Paper Relections

sorry i thought this posted already but i saw it didint
After you finish your final draft write ~250 words reflecting on the peer review. What was helpful about it and what was not. Did you get some good feedback? What did you apply to your paper (try to be specific). Do you feel like you have a better sense of what to look for when reading other and your own writing?
I thought what was helpful was the entire exposing your paper to someone else and accpeting criticism.Usually the only person i have to worry about reading my paper is my teacher or parent so it's not bad, but when it's a peer it becomes more like the audience reading it, so I found it useful. I recieved some good feedback in terms of sentences that seemed weird or spots in my paper where it seemed my point wasn't clear so that was helpful. Both people said that my conclusion was too broad and that one paragraph had a quote that seemed just thrown in so I chnaged that, as well as some awkward reading sentences. I also liked that by forcing us to read and edit another peer's thoroughly it helped me to understand that by knowing what to look for in someone else's paper, i realized what I needed to look for in my paper. Oh and the teacher notes really helped to know where i lost track of my point.

Topic Paper 2

I'm choosing "Organs for Sale" by Sally Satel

Drexler/Smalley Response

• What is the main point of contention between Drexler and Smalley?
• What is at stake in their argument?
• Name a few strategies they use to refute the other side.
• How does both Smalley and Drexler develop their ethos (provide an example)
• Point to at least one logical fallacy used on both sides and explain why it is fallacy (see GRs pg 17-19)
• Which side to do you think was more convincing and why?

1. The main point that is contented between Drexler and Smalley is whether or not nano technology could be something that will be inevitable in the future. No matter how far the argument goes that is the core of the argument.
2. What is at stake is their ethos. Smalley has been called out essentially by Drexler and therefore has to prove his credibility.
3. The first strategy was the public letters sent between the two. Then using the letters as ethos boosters they both stated what backgrounds they have with big name drops. Finally Smalley using the attack made by Drexler to look like the better man by apologizing and agreeing with him.
4. Smalley's- "This proposal has been defended successfully again and again, in journal articles, in my MIT doctoral thesis [the basis of "Nanosystems: Molecular Machinery, Manufacturing, and Computation," John Wiley & Sons (1992)]. " MIT name drop
5. Drexler's "RICHARD E. SMALLEY is the Gene and Norman Hackerman Professor of Chemistry and Physics at Rice University. He received the 1996 Nobel Prize in Chemistry for the discovery of fullerenes"(Of Chemistry,Love and Nanobot)
6. The most obvious one was the one Smalley himself pointed out,"Your reliance on this straw-man attack might lead a thoughtful observer to suspect that no one has identified a valid criticism of my work"(Nano technology). I know its a fallacy because straw man means it sets up the opposing argument in a way that is easy to reject.
7. I think Drexler is because to me he seems he has been doing research on the nano tech for a long and great deal. Smalley just seems to just critique and play the nice guy as well which I don't trust.

Part 2

 Context 

1. The speaker was Barbara Jordan
2. Jackson's purpose was to convince the Judiciary Committee to impeach President Nixon. He mentions his opinions at the time Nixon was under investigation for the Water Gate Scandal.
3. Jackson makes it clear that the speech was not just a one and one speech but rather a speech to be televised to the entire nation.
   
   
4. Jackson informs us that Nixon is republican while most of the Senate was Democrat.
5. The audience was the House Judiciary Committee  

Text

1. Ethos - Faith in the Constitution was misused from Nixon in order to defend himself from breaking the rules
2. Pathos -Jackson used the paper shredder to show that what Nixon did was wrong and unjust to the Constitution
3. Logos - The only logic i noticed was that Jackson used citations including quoting people but im still shaky on logos so please help

My Context

1. Barbara Jordan seems to have know quite a bit about the constitution which makes her more a threat to Nixon.

My Text 

1.  The style of Jackson's writing  formal while keeping personal touches to express his feeling on the topic.

First Post

I'm am choosing Buying into the Green Movement

First Post

 How do you feel about your own writing? What have you done in writing classes in the past? What would you like to work on in this class? As far as my writing goes I've always felt I can express myself via writing but grammatically I'm usually off cause I don't take the time to proof read. I also feel that I have a good insight into what I need to analyze or what I am writing about. In the past we just read books then wrote paper that analyzed the reading and took the meaning to a deeper level by connecting separate threads in the novel. I am also used to doing synthesis essays and reflection papers. I would like working on focusing on my points because often I find that I have good ideas but I forget to tie them in a way that everyone can understand. I would also like to work on finding a better style of writing because my style is very rubric oriented and often doesn't stray off.

First blog

 How do you feel about your own writing? What have you done in writing classes in the past? What would you like to work on in this class? As far as my writing goes I've always felt I can express myself via writing but grammatically I'm usually off cause I don't take the time to proof read. I also feel that I have a good insight into what I need to analyze or what I am writing about. In the past we just read books then wrote paper that analyzed the reading and took the meaning to a deeper level by connecting separate threads in the novel. I am also used to doing synthesis essays and reflection papers. I would like working on focusing on my points because often I find that I have good ideas but I forget to tie them in a way that everyone can understand. I would also like to work on finding a better style of writing because my style is very rubric oriented and often doesn't stray off.